When I sit down to write, I often have NO idea what it is that I have to say. I realize that writing is a tool for me to understand my life with more clarity and my vision is what becomes more vivid as I communicate my emotions to myself and those who read what I leave upon the once blank space. I also understand that often people are filled with unanswered questions about their challenges and finding a space in their head to process is often difficult to do. We wrestle the inner man to preserve the outer man. At a certain inevitable juncture, we must face our reality with the proper persective. That perspective is never one that runs and hides, but one that embraces whatever it is that we are called to overcome and face it head on with an understanding that we will become better, not bitter as a result of it.
What I continue to learn through my own challenges is that with faith in God's direction for our lives and His perfect plan, we fulfill our destiny. This occurs in the most unlikely of ways typically, but we learn too that it is something that is truly best suited to every aspect of God's desire for our life. I read this quote and thought "how appropriate as it relates to my life": “ God asks no man whether he will accept life. That is not a choice. You must take it. The only choice is how”. ~Henry Ward Beecher
Could there be a more true statement of our grapplings with what "happens" to us? The embrace of each challenge with the proper perspective that leads to growth enriches us while the one that asks why me will lead us to defeat. As we journey through our season of enrichment we realize too that "God seldom delivers....virtues all wrapped in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues." ~C.R. Findley
I have been 12 years in challenges that have defied who and how I expected my life to look. The situations I have found myself in have taken me by surprise (to say the least) and tested every virute and value I have lived by. They have called me to deeper faith, deeper trust, deeper hope and deeper commitment to my ultimate goal of service to a God that loves me, knows what is best for me and cultivates not only my circumstances, but also my heart in the process of where He is leading me.
While some of what He is up to is becoming manifest without doubt, some of it lies in "utter" (outer) space waiting within the deepest but most readily recesses of my heart and waiting with a child-like excitement and anticipation to be released into my world.
As I wait with this fervor, I am feeling led to "release" some of what I have learned in very practial and applicable ways. A few well-respected friends have encouraged me to write more and one relationship in particular has taken an interest in leading me to have that materialize. She has connected me with resources, including her own, to expedite the release of my new blog with the title: Fit, Focused and 40. This will include physical, emotional and spiritual fundamentals that I am trusting God to lead the way with. I have always believed that when God calls us through something that stretches us He also calls us to use what has created pain for a purpose. I am excited to reveal my passions of living, raising a family, seeking to improve weaknesses within the areas of health of the physical, emotional and mental carcass that carries our soul throughout our life on this planet. I thank you for your contribution of questions and feedback in the very near future while sending any questions or thoughts that you would like me to address. While I certainly do not claim to be a final authority and at times even reluctant to share what I believe or have learned for myself, my husband reminds me of the fact that when you have victory over attacks (regardless of the area) it gives you an element of authority that (while it may not be the ONLY way) it certainly is proven through the methods of warfare that led to triumph. I need an army of warriors who desire to fight for victory. The battle is fierce for us all and yet God desires that we win it for Him!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Friday, August 5, 2011
It Is Well With My Soul...And Theirs Too
Summer has been busy. Many travels. Many days of busy-ness. Nothing ever seems to get completed. The house is never quiet...except when we are asleep. Working from home has its benefits, but I expect that they will be more evident when our kids are back in school ;-)
I think about time. Time is elusive. I cannot seem to capture it, or have enough of it. I remember the feeling of being stuffed into a challenging role that I refused to refuse and accepted without exception. When my understanding of life took a very different turn from my expectations I had one perspective that held me fast: HOPE. Romans 5:3-5 says: "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I remember assuming the role of the one who would offer hope to my husband who was suffering. I remember offering hope to Daniel, even though he was only 3 when his Dad got sick. I remember offering hope to Dylan and Olivia that God loved them with an IMMEASURABLE love and would restore their joy and put a smile on their heart that would be evident and contagious.
I am thinking about this this evening because I am reflecting on the adolescents they have become. They are kind and thoughtful. They are helpful and satisfied. They have joy. They have opportunity. They have dreams. They have a family that loves them and values what they have added to our lives.
Without them I would not be who I am. I would not have grown into understanding how adversity enables your dreams to be bigger and your hopes to be higher and your expectations to be exceeded...even in the darkest of days.
This month, Dylan and Olivia had an opportunity to visit Jamaica on a mission's trip. In fact, I just paused in my writing because I remembered that she had something for me to share with all of my facebook friends and I have been spinning since I got home from Utah 2 days ago trying to catch up. When I read her letter...it is the SAME THEME as this post!! I am overwhelmed by God's promptings of His children who desire to follow Him for GREAT-ER things!!!
I will attach her letter to this post so that it is always connected to this writing. Her heart is so connected to His. I remember our vacation that we took them on just 6 weeks after they came to live with us. We went to St. Martin each year for 2 weeks and 2004 was no different. It was just that we took 2 more kids with us. Traumatized kids. I remember giving Olivia an iPod with Christian music on it. She used it often. While we were there, she was outside one day and the way our condo was built, there was a set of steps that from the ground floor appeared to just stop in the middle of the air with only the sky beyond them. The clouds were puffs of cotton against the Carribbean blue sky and there was Olivia with her hands stretched wide and high as she talked to God about her parents. She praised Him by doing this. She praised Him as she sang. She sought Him. He was there. At that moment I knew that she had a gift of faith that would enable her to thrive in life amidst such difficult circumstances. I realized at that moment too how blessed I was to watch her grow as He satsified her soul through her trust in Him and Him alone.
And now today, more than 7 years later, I see God in every aspect of her life. She chooses her friends wisely. She does not engage in petty nonsense as is easily part of a teenage girl's life. She is a great friend. She is honorable. She is loyal.
And now today, she is beginning her second week in Florida with a family that has remained steadfast in their support of both of them through the years. They were the next door neighbors of theirs at the time of the tragic event. Today, they are the best of friends and strongest of supporters but they no longer live next door. They are the kind of friends that feel the sense of obligation and responsibility but above all else a call to love these kids and keep them connected to their past life. It blesses me to see how God works, how He heals us, how He lifts us up when we are down.
As Dylan left to meet Olivia in Florida today, I saw the incredibly independent and cautiously confident young man he is becoming. I saw his excitement and yet his gentle approach toward his experiences when they are not as predictable as the day-to-day routine. That is another comfort to me...to watch him step out when change is not something he looks forward to. He has learned that in ALL things he possesses the ability, through the grace of God, to grow...and heal through every new adventure. His journey has created a quiet confidence and a solid peacefulness that is comforting not only to him, but those who are close to him.
For me, this day, I had recurring thoughts of my own journey. I thought of the challenges of our lives. I thought of the unfairness. I thought of the meanness that has reared its ugly head and spews venom whenever possible. Forces with presence always exist, but power does not have to be given to them. Then I realized what it is that God keeps revealing to me and that is the beauty that has been birthed out of the ashes. And that brings this verse in Isaiah to mind: "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3.
No other words are necessary.
Olivia's letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
As many of you already know, last week, Dylan and I went on a mission trip with Mission Discovery to Montego Bay, Jamaica. It was a great experience and I was blessed to be able to go. While we were there, we worked 7-hour days, building and repairing a deaf school, played with kids at Vacation Bible School, and also we got to spend a day at an orphanage. Meeting Jamaican children at the deaf school and the orphanage was one of the coolest things that ever happened to me. I wish I could have done more to help them.
Before the trip, Dylan and I had sent out letters asking for support for the trip. We did not get as much financial support as we had hoped, and we are hoping to be given the opportunity to be asked to go next year. I just wanted to thank those of you who did send in donations, but if you would like, we would greatly appreciate your donations for Dylan and I.
Dylan and I have been through something that most people I know have never experienced and most likely will never, but God has made it all good. My family and I have been through even more challenges in the past few years. This trip has impacted me. The orphanage showed me how lucky I am to be blessed with parents that God chose to love me, but these kids may never know what it feels like to be loved, only to not have the hope of love. Going there and spending time with those kids let them know that we are there to provide a hope and a future, and I would love to offer them the hope like I have again next year. Again, I wanted to truly thank those of you who did decide to support. Those of you who did not, this is your opportunity to bless others! Donations, even now as they will be applied to the trip we just took as well as the one we plan to take next summer. It is very expensive to be doing God’s work so far away!
God Bless!
Olivia Pompa
I think about time. Time is elusive. I cannot seem to capture it, or have enough of it. I remember the feeling of being stuffed into a challenging role that I refused to refuse and accepted without exception. When my understanding of life took a very different turn from my expectations I had one perspective that held me fast: HOPE. Romans 5:3-5 says: "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."
I remember assuming the role of the one who would offer hope to my husband who was suffering. I remember offering hope to Daniel, even though he was only 3 when his Dad got sick. I remember offering hope to Dylan and Olivia that God loved them with an IMMEASURABLE love and would restore their joy and put a smile on their heart that would be evident and contagious.
I am thinking about this this evening because I am reflecting on the adolescents they have become. They are kind and thoughtful. They are helpful and satisfied. They have joy. They have opportunity. They have dreams. They have a family that loves them and values what they have added to our lives.
Without them I would not be who I am. I would not have grown into understanding how adversity enables your dreams to be bigger and your hopes to be higher and your expectations to be exceeded...even in the darkest of days.
This month, Dylan and Olivia had an opportunity to visit Jamaica on a mission's trip. In fact, I just paused in my writing because I remembered that she had something for me to share with all of my facebook friends and I have been spinning since I got home from Utah 2 days ago trying to catch up. When I read her letter...it is the SAME THEME as this post!! I am overwhelmed by God's promptings of His children who desire to follow Him for GREAT-ER things!!!
I will attach her letter to this post so that it is always connected to this writing. Her heart is so connected to His. I remember our vacation that we took them on just 6 weeks after they came to live with us. We went to St. Martin each year for 2 weeks and 2004 was no different. It was just that we took 2 more kids with us. Traumatized kids. I remember giving Olivia an iPod with Christian music on it. She used it often. While we were there, she was outside one day and the way our condo was built, there was a set of steps that from the ground floor appeared to just stop in the middle of the air with only the sky beyond them. The clouds were puffs of cotton against the Carribbean blue sky and there was Olivia with her hands stretched wide and high as she talked to God about her parents. She praised Him by doing this. She praised Him as she sang. She sought Him. He was there. At that moment I knew that she had a gift of faith that would enable her to thrive in life amidst such difficult circumstances. I realized at that moment too how blessed I was to watch her grow as He satsified her soul through her trust in Him and Him alone.
And now today, more than 7 years later, I see God in every aspect of her life. She chooses her friends wisely. She does not engage in petty nonsense as is easily part of a teenage girl's life. She is a great friend. She is honorable. She is loyal.
And now today, she is beginning her second week in Florida with a family that has remained steadfast in their support of both of them through the years. They were the next door neighbors of theirs at the time of the tragic event. Today, they are the best of friends and strongest of supporters but they no longer live next door. They are the kind of friends that feel the sense of obligation and responsibility but above all else a call to love these kids and keep them connected to their past life. It blesses me to see how God works, how He heals us, how He lifts us up when we are down.
As Dylan left to meet Olivia in Florida today, I saw the incredibly independent and cautiously confident young man he is becoming. I saw his excitement and yet his gentle approach toward his experiences when they are not as predictable as the day-to-day routine. That is another comfort to me...to watch him step out when change is not something he looks forward to. He has learned that in ALL things he possesses the ability, through the grace of God, to grow...and heal through every new adventure. His journey has created a quiet confidence and a solid peacefulness that is comforting not only to him, but those who are close to him.
For me, this day, I had recurring thoughts of my own journey. I thought of the challenges of our lives. I thought of the unfairness. I thought of the meanness that has reared its ugly head and spews venom whenever possible. Forces with presence always exist, but power does not have to be given to them. Then I realized what it is that God keeps revealing to me and that is the beauty that has been birthed out of the ashes. And that brings this verse in Isaiah to mind: "To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he might be glorified." Isaiah 61:3.
No other words are necessary.
Olivia's letter:
Dear Friends and Family,
As many of you already know, last week, Dylan and I went on a mission trip with Mission Discovery to Montego Bay, Jamaica. It was a great experience and I was blessed to be able to go. While we were there, we worked 7-hour days, building and repairing a deaf school, played with kids at Vacation Bible School, and also we got to spend a day at an orphanage. Meeting Jamaican children at the deaf school and the orphanage was one of the coolest things that ever happened to me. I wish I could have done more to help them.
Before the trip, Dylan and I had sent out letters asking for support for the trip. We did not get as much financial support as we had hoped, and we are hoping to be given the opportunity to be asked to go next year. I just wanted to thank those of you who did send in donations, but if you would like, we would greatly appreciate your donations for Dylan and I.
Dylan and I have been through something that most people I know have never experienced and most likely will never, but God has made it all good. My family and I have been through even more challenges in the past few years. This trip has impacted me. The orphanage showed me how lucky I am to be blessed with parents that God chose to love me, but these kids may never know what it feels like to be loved, only to not have the hope of love. Going there and spending time with those kids let them know that we are there to provide a hope and a future, and I would love to offer them the hope like I have again next year. Again, I wanted to truly thank those of you who did decide to support. Those of you who did not, this is your opportunity to bless others! Donations, even now as they will be applied to the trip we just took as well as the one we plan to take next summer. It is very expensive to be doing God’s work so far away!
God Bless!
Olivia Pompa
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
WAIT AND SEE
There are times in life when friendships disappear and there are times in life when friendships reappear. There are also those times when out of nowhere a friendship appears that we were not expecting. If you are like me, you may not trust the ones who disappear, may be skeptical of the ones which reappear and overwhelmingly blessed by the ones that just seem to drop out of the dark and into the light or into the light and make it even brighter. I cannot begin to tell you from the recesses of my heart how disappointed I have been in people that I have expected would always be part of my life. I have learned that it is not that they are intentionally resisting my presence in their life as much as they are resisting what they may not understand or simply involved in their own lives and cannot or will not make time for things that take unnecessary effort. Whichever the scenario, I have grown less disappointed in those absences and more expectant of those who God will bring into my life. Let's face it, as we mature in this journey of life, we learn that life is a game of keeping up with life. The more we are called to manage, the more unmanageable we can feel our life is.
I have felt this way for years. I may have kept managing my friendships as a way of preserving my"self". The challenges that I faced and the way life pressed in caused me to desire to cling to anything familiar. Although maybe I am more inclined to stay in touch with those I care about because my life as a child was very lonely and who I wanted to be with most was elusive (my mom) and I learned through painful experience that I NEVER want to walk that road again.
As in love with my husband as I have always been and expectant of our life together, it was riddled with complications that forced loss accompanied by complicated gain. There is a verse that God has given my husband and I over and over and it is this: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25.
I have written before about how I look at every challenging and painful experience as something that comes from the hand of God. Because I know this to be true...it is His way of setting us on His course, redirecting our path, often our hearts as well and calling us to a position of passion and purpose that we soemtimes can only dream of. Our comfort zones are not places of excitement, but security. How can we be moved when we are satisfied? How can we be used by Him when our purpose is to serve and maintain ourselves?
The friendships that I sought to preserve were comfortable for me as well. They resembled what I knew of myself. Letting go of who I was for who God wanted me to become was a process that took years to connect with and let go of, simultaneously. Through this process, one of the most disappointing realities was in who didn't remain. But just as in all the other areas of my life, I knew that God would make up for it. Suddenly it is happening. People are coming into our life that feel led to be involved and lead us into our next destinations of our journey through life as God is directing. My awareness of this is heightened as I believe He wants me to realize that HE is doing it. He is making up for what He has allowed that which has caused our family pain. This has become a source of excitement for me as God never does anything in a mediocre way. The friendships that are accompanying this process have satisfied me in a way I always desired, but failed to experience. Again I think of the verse above.
I write out of my pain. I think about many things I have experienced. I think constantly. But if life weren't hurling chaos I wouldn't have a reason to think. I even think I overthink :-) I also write as a result of my purpose: to encourage those who are walking through their own wilderness and wonder where God is. HE IS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND HE IS MORE THAN ABLE TO SATISFY YOUR SOUL AS WELL AS GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART! He does this when you surrender to the process and let go of what it is that you expected, and reach in to the reality that He "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20.
Don't restrict Him. Let Him have His way. He will always BE exceedingly more and DO exceedingly more than we could possibly conceive in our finite minds and it pleases Him to know we are waiting for Him and Him alone.
I have felt this way for years. I may have kept managing my friendships as a way of preserving my"self". The challenges that I faced and the way life pressed in caused me to desire to cling to anything familiar. Although maybe I am more inclined to stay in touch with those I care about because my life as a child was very lonely and who I wanted to be with most was elusive (my mom) and I learned through painful experience that I NEVER want to walk that road again.
As in love with my husband as I have always been and expectant of our life together, it was riddled with complications that forced loss accompanied by complicated gain. There is a verse that God has given my husband and I over and over and it is this: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25.
I have written before about how I look at every challenging and painful experience as something that comes from the hand of God. Because I know this to be true...it is His way of setting us on His course, redirecting our path, often our hearts as well and calling us to a position of passion and purpose that we soemtimes can only dream of. Our comfort zones are not places of excitement, but security. How can we be moved when we are satisfied? How can we be used by Him when our purpose is to serve and maintain ourselves?
The friendships that I sought to preserve were comfortable for me as well. They resembled what I knew of myself. Letting go of who I was for who God wanted me to become was a process that took years to connect with and let go of, simultaneously. Through this process, one of the most disappointing realities was in who didn't remain. But just as in all the other areas of my life, I knew that God would make up for it. Suddenly it is happening. People are coming into our life that feel led to be involved and lead us into our next destinations of our journey through life as God is directing. My awareness of this is heightened as I believe He wants me to realize that HE is doing it. He is making up for what He has allowed that which has caused our family pain. This has become a source of excitement for me as God never does anything in a mediocre way. The friendships that are accompanying this process have satisfied me in a way I always desired, but failed to experience. Again I think of the verse above.
I write out of my pain. I think about many things I have experienced. I think constantly. But if life weren't hurling chaos I wouldn't have a reason to think. I even think I overthink :-) I also write as a result of my purpose: to encourage those who are walking through their own wilderness and wonder where God is. HE IS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND HE IS MORE THAN ABLE TO SATISFY YOUR SOUL AS WELL AS GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART! He does this when you surrender to the process and let go of what it is that you expected, and reach in to the reality that He "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20.
Don't restrict Him. Let Him have His way. He will always BE exceedingly more and DO exceedingly more than we could possibly conceive in our finite minds and it pleases Him to know we are waiting for Him and Him alone.
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Immeasurable Loss/Immeasurable Pain...Where Does It Lead?
I have watched with pride the pain of 3 young men in the past few months. Pride and Pain should not be in the same sentence. Neither should an adjective such as immeasurable be attached to Loss or Pain for kids. The only outlet I have for my own confusion is to write. It heals me. I am broken for 3 boys that have lost one of their parents. I am broken for my own who lost them both at the same time. I went through the depth of loss with Dylan and Olivia 7 years ago. I felt so under-qualified for the task of restoring their hope, their life and the opportunities within it, but I had the role of the one who was called to just that. I had no choice but to embrace the challenge. I suddenly realized in the past few weeks that I am finally restored. My family is restored. My hope is restored...and now it is time to offer others who are hurting...hope. I didn't even realize that it was there until my heart was aching for them that I had something to say...and I feel it just oozing out of me. It is almost uncontrollable. I can only hope they "heard" me. It is not my voice that matters, but God's heart.
How could I possibly have spoken into their desolation if we had not been desolate? How could I have lifted their spirits if ours had not been lifted? And how could I say with certainty that God will show them a measure of favor if He had not shown that to us?
When we are empty and confused, what else matters other than to know that we will be ok? If you are like me, being ok just isn't enough. I want to know that there is an everlasting and enormous hope that stands on the other side waiting for me when I am in pain. I want to know that my God is there and that He will reveal Himself in a way that says He believes that I am worthy of His mercy. How can I be in that place if I am not in pain? How can I watch Him be who He is if I am not who I am...challenged, struggling, confused and uncertain?
So to you INCREDIBLY FAVORED CHILDREN OF GOD (even more of you than perhaps I am referring to specifically as I write)...remember...HE LOVES YOU. HE IS WITH YOU IN YOUR PAIN. HE WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU TO YOURSELF AND YOUR FEARS. The only responsibility He gives you is to choose which direction your mind focuses. That is often where the battle lies. Do not give in to the fears associated with uncertainty. That is a place where your heart can be healed, your purpose born and your passion nutured.
Character is never rich unless it is born out of adversity. CS Lewis, a renowned biblical scholar, has been quoted as saying this: "But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
When we are hurting, people are watching. When we experience tremendous loss and are lost within it, it is much more difficult to understand how we will ever find our hope or a purpose that matters. Our foundation has been shaken and our hearts are crumbling. We just want our life to be "normal" again. We want to smile again without restraint. We want the pain that weighs us down to be lifted so that we can have fun again. We smile, but we hurt. We laugh, but inside we are crying.
I can identify with this emotional process because I have been there. I have watched my own children as they were there. And even now, I am there.
I do not have much figured out about life, but one thing I do know and that is that I would much rather feel this type of pain with the certainty that God is with me and that He will direct my path and that while He may not have chosen it, He will work it for good in my life. Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know that He has created a purpose for me that is far better than what I could have chosen without Him. While there are plenty of times that I am left in a state of confusion and loss, I only have the ability to express my heart as a result of my experiences, not because I understand it.
I hope this encourages those of you are have lost so much in life. I hope you remember how big God really is. I hope you expect Him to reveal great things in your life and I hope that you stand still and wait...and do not lose heart. That is where I am. It isn't easy to be patient. "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4 : 16 He knows we are weak. He understands our impatience. We may feel our pain is too much to bear, but if we remember Him in it, we will emerge with greater character than the ones who have not endured and therefore we will be capable of making a greater difference in this world due to a greater understanding of what it means to stay the course as we anticipate the result...and it is guaranteed to be difficult as we put one foot in front of the other...but it will be ok.
Sometimes God touches our lives is ways we aren't prepared for. But if we trust Him...we will soon realize that staying the way we "were" is boring and growing into who we "are" is challenging...but satisfying. Who does God want you to become through your pain? You will find you could never become (on your own) who He wants you to be and it will be MORE THAN OK!!!
How could I possibly have spoken into their desolation if we had not been desolate? How could I have lifted their spirits if ours had not been lifted? And how could I say with certainty that God will show them a measure of favor if He had not shown that to us?
When we are empty and confused, what else matters other than to know that we will be ok? If you are like me, being ok just isn't enough. I want to know that there is an everlasting and enormous hope that stands on the other side waiting for me when I am in pain. I want to know that my God is there and that He will reveal Himself in a way that says He believes that I am worthy of His mercy. How can I be in that place if I am not in pain? How can I watch Him be who He is if I am not who I am...challenged, struggling, confused and uncertain?
So to you INCREDIBLY FAVORED CHILDREN OF GOD (even more of you than perhaps I am referring to specifically as I write)...remember...HE LOVES YOU. HE IS WITH YOU IN YOUR PAIN. HE WILL NEVER ABANDON YOU TO YOURSELF AND YOUR FEARS. The only responsibility He gives you is to choose which direction your mind focuses. That is often where the battle lies. Do not give in to the fears associated with uncertainty. That is a place where your heart can be healed, your purpose born and your passion nutured.
Character is never rich unless it is born out of adversity. CS Lewis, a renowned biblical scholar, has been quoted as saying this: "But pain insists upon being attended to. God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."
When we are hurting, people are watching. When we experience tremendous loss and are lost within it, it is much more difficult to understand how we will ever find our hope or a purpose that matters. Our foundation has been shaken and our hearts are crumbling. We just want our life to be "normal" again. We want to smile again without restraint. We want the pain that weighs us down to be lifted so that we can have fun again. We smile, but we hurt. We laugh, but inside we are crying.
I can identify with this emotional process because I have been there. I have watched my own children as they were there. And even now, I am there.
I do not have much figured out about life, but one thing I do know and that is that I would much rather feel this type of pain with the certainty that God is with me and that He will direct my path and that while He may not have chosen it, He will work it for good in my life. Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I know that He has created a purpose for me that is far better than what I could have chosen without Him. While there are plenty of times that I am left in a state of confusion and loss, I only have the ability to express my heart as a result of my experiences, not because I understand it.
I hope this encourages those of you are have lost so much in life. I hope you remember how big God really is. I hope you expect Him to reveal great things in your life and I hope that you stand still and wait...and do not lose heart. That is where I am. It isn't easy to be patient. "Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4 : 16 He knows we are weak. He understands our impatience. We may feel our pain is too much to bear, but if we remember Him in it, we will emerge with greater character than the ones who have not endured and therefore we will be capable of making a greater difference in this world due to a greater understanding of what it means to stay the course as we anticipate the result...and it is guaranteed to be difficult as we put one foot in front of the other...but it will be ok.
Sometimes God touches our lives is ways we aren't prepared for. But if we trust Him...we will soon realize that staying the way we "were" is boring and growing into who we "are" is challenging...but satisfying. Who does God want you to become through your pain? You will find you could never become (on your own) who He wants you to be and it will be MORE THAN OK!!!
Friday, March 25, 2011
A Stirring Occurring
When I found out that a few of my friends...who connected by "divine design" were determined to mobilize an effort to help our family, I was humbed once more. Their energy directed toward that effort has shown me yet again that God calls us all to a purpose beyond ourselves.
I am grateful for God leading their efforts as the devastation has been incredible. Maintaining five children with a significantly diminished income and insurmountable legal bills; as well as the fallout from the gross distortions and allegations have more than taken their toll on our family.
While I realize that there is purpose in all adversity, the challenges that press in certainly have a ripple effect in which even more pain is felt that the overarching one that will be sorted out in the courts.
I recently watched a series of videos by Andy Andrews called The Butterfly Effect. He speaks of how every action we take in life makes a difference. I wake up every morning with the determination to make a difference within the space and time that I am living. I believe that I have many friends out there that know that know our family's character and want to show their support. I have wondered if our silence has been misinterpreted. But I also understand that every thing has a season and its own time. I have been changed through my silence. I have learned a level of compassion for those hurting that I never would have understood any other way if it weren't for my own pain...and what I am sure of is that God calls us through those challenging circumstances to stay faithful, remain steadfast in our trust of Him, and hopeful for what can be produced as a result.
While it is somewhat embarrassing to be in the situation we are in without the truth setting us free (at least at this point), I have realized that unless we are willing to lay ourselves bare, trust God for the outcome working to our ultimate benefit, we cannot experience healing and restoration on all the levels that He desires for our lives. Romans 8:28 is a verse we have been quoting for over a decade in our home...between my husband's illness, the loss of the twin's parents, our reformed family and the challenges associated within it...and now this. God has proven faithful in all areas, I will continue to put my hope and faith in the ONLY ONE who has the power to bring beauty of out ashes.
Thank you so much friends. I have learned who my real friends are in my life and I treasure the ones that God continues to bring into our life for His purpose to be fulfilled on this earth.
I am grateful for God leading their efforts as the devastation has been incredible. Maintaining five children with a significantly diminished income and insurmountable legal bills; as well as the fallout from the gross distortions and allegations have more than taken their toll on our family.
While I realize that there is purpose in all adversity, the challenges that press in certainly have a ripple effect in which even more pain is felt that the overarching one that will be sorted out in the courts.
I recently watched a series of videos by Andy Andrews called The Butterfly Effect. He speaks of how every action we take in life makes a difference. I wake up every morning with the determination to make a difference within the space and time that I am living. I believe that I have many friends out there that know that know our family's character and want to show their support. I have wondered if our silence has been misinterpreted. But I also understand that every thing has a season and its own time. I have been changed through my silence. I have learned a level of compassion for those hurting that I never would have understood any other way if it weren't for my own pain...and what I am sure of is that God calls us through those challenging circumstances to stay faithful, remain steadfast in our trust of Him, and hopeful for what can be produced as a result.
While it is somewhat embarrassing to be in the situation we are in without the truth setting us free (at least at this point), I have realized that unless we are willing to lay ourselves bare, trust God for the outcome working to our ultimate benefit, we cannot experience healing and restoration on all the levels that He desires for our lives. Romans 8:28 is a verse we have been quoting for over a decade in our home...between my husband's illness, the loss of the twin's parents, our reformed family and the challenges associated within it...and now this. God has proven faithful in all areas, I will continue to put my hope and faith in the ONLY ONE who has the power to bring beauty of out ashes.
Thank you so much friends. I have learned who my real friends are in my life and I treasure the ones that God continues to bring into our life for His purpose to be fulfilled on this earth.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Lifting His Arms
Our life at times feels as if it is coming apart...I trust God for the outcome, but the challenges along the way are beyond me. This speaks to my heart...especially concerning all that my husband is dealing with: Exodus 17:8-13 says: "Moses stood on top of the hill with the rod of God in his hand overlooking the battlefield, and as he lifted it up it showed their dependence upon the Lord and there would be no victory without God's intervention. The Israelites prevailed while the rod was lifted and when Moses' arms were too tired to lift up the rod, Aaron and Hur found a rock for Moses to sit on and they held up his hands." Please pray for my husband...I am not the only one who God calls to "lift up his arms".
In the battle in Exodus 17, Moses was feeling weary. When his arms got tired and he could no longer "hold up his arms" the enemy would start winning the battle. Where we are in our life's journey, there is an overwhelming amount of opposition. It is truly beyond explanantion. During this battle in Exodus, God sent Aaron and Hur to each come alongside of Moses and hold up his arms. As a result, they won the battle and Moses' strength returned to him. I often write to encourage others through what I have been allowed to understand as a result of my own battle. But today I am writing as a request for you, my friends, to stand in the gap and lift not just Danny's arms, but mine as well as we fight our enemies. I believe, beyond any explanantion, that our power to defeat what comes against us daily will be done through the people of God, aligning themselves for the purpose of God, and supporting this man of God, as He leads this mission to expose this epidemic and all that comes against us as we trudge into the enemy territory of the culture in which we live.
And as you do, I believe we will all see miracles happen! You know I will keep you informed as we fight...in each victory, as well as seeming defeat, as our battle truly belongs to the Lord.
1 Samuel 17:45-47 reminds us of David's faith in God: Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give you into our hand.”
I have come to understand that our battles belong to God. Like David, I have more faith in God than in any "giant" in my life. My faith is all I have and yet I know that it is everything I need...and more. If you want to test Him, (and even if you haven't given it thought at the level I am suggesting), PLEASE join us in our battle. Come before God on our behalf and watch Him work...this is what so many need to see in their own lives but fear putting their trust in Him so that they can experience it. Trust Him with me...I will take whatever you will give and so will He. I will not be disappointed and neither will you. The challenges we all have are not too big for Him...we are sometimes just too big to give them to Him.
In the battle in Exodus 17, Moses was feeling weary. When his arms got tired and he could no longer "hold up his arms" the enemy would start winning the battle. Where we are in our life's journey, there is an overwhelming amount of opposition. It is truly beyond explanantion. During this battle in Exodus, God sent Aaron and Hur to each come alongside of Moses and hold up his arms. As a result, they won the battle and Moses' strength returned to him. I often write to encourage others through what I have been allowed to understand as a result of my own battle. But today I am writing as a request for you, my friends, to stand in the gap and lift not just Danny's arms, but mine as well as we fight our enemies. I believe, beyond any explanantion, that our power to defeat what comes against us daily will be done through the people of God, aligning themselves for the purpose of God, and supporting this man of God, as He leads this mission to expose this epidemic and all that comes against us as we trudge into the enemy territory of the culture in which we live.
And as you do, I believe we will all see miracles happen! You know I will keep you informed as we fight...in each victory, as well as seeming defeat, as our battle truly belongs to the Lord.
1 Samuel 17:45-47 reminds us of David's faith in God: Then David said to the Philistine, “You come to me with a sword and with a spear and with a javelin, but I come to you in the name of the LORD of hosts, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the LORD will deliver you into my hand, and I will strike you down and cut off your head. And I will give the dead bodies of the host of the Philistines this day to the birds of the air and to the wild beasts of the earth, that all the earth may know that there is a God in Israel, and that all this assembly may know that the LORD saves not with sword and spear. For the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give you into our hand.”
I have come to understand that our battles belong to God. Like David, I have more faith in God than in any "giant" in my life. My faith is all I have and yet I know that it is everything I need...and more. If you want to test Him, (and even if you haven't given it thought at the level I am suggesting), PLEASE join us in our battle. Come before God on our behalf and watch Him work...this is what so many need to see in their own lives but fear putting their trust in Him so that they can experience it. Trust Him with me...I will take whatever you will give and so will He. I will not be disappointed and neither will you. The challenges we all have are not too big for Him...we are sometimes just too big to give them to Him.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
15 YEARS OF PURPOSE/10 YEARS OF PAIN
Today is our anniversary. I think many of you know my respect for my husband and all that he is especially for those of you that have been touched by his brilliant mind and compassionate heart. Today I want to remind him of the man that satisfies our family beyond his life's work. Today is the perfect opportunity to remind him of the investment that he makes into our children each day that has and will shape them into the adults they will become. Whether it is getting to the heart of a motive or lack of or fishing in the lake he invests 100% of himself into each place he travels with them. He also calls me to a higher standard in my motives for being an effective mom in a culture in which teaching moment after teaching moment arises throughout each day. He has also helped to shape me as a woman in ways too numerous to mention. As a man and a doctor, there are countless people that have rallied to his side and many that have been birthed out of the adversity in a way that only God could provide for his support and encouragement.
On our 15 year anniversary, the last 10 have certainly been difficult and they have chiseled away at both of us with heartfelt losses along the way. As we have felt the pressure of life remove bits and pieces of us bit by bit, we have also experienced that there is purpose in all suffering. There is life after loss. There is even tremendous hope that we can offer to others as they suffer in their own pain.
I cannot think of a more perfectly suited man to walk this walk with me and my own challenges nor can I imagine not standing by his side as God brings us through each trial for a reason much greater than ourselves and something that will last well beyond this lifetime.
Happy Anniversary Danny...I will remind you...as well as myself today that the man you have become through such difficulty is on a journey toward a destination that has the ability to change a paradigm for an unnecessarily suffering culture and as our God works in and through us to accomplish His purpose...He knows best what the most effective route is for His goals to be achieved in our lives. As He tarries...I will also remember that the journey is the destination so that I do not grow weary in the challenging circumstances. Our circumstances will not define us...only our God will.
I LOVE YOU!
On our 15 year anniversary, the last 10 have certainly been difficult and they have chiseled away at both of us with heartfelt losses along the way. As we have felt the pressure of life remove bits and pieces of us bit by bit, we have also experienced that there is purpose in all suffering. There is life after loss. There is even tremendous hope that we can offer to others as they suffer in their own pain.
I cannot think of a more perfectly suited man to walk this walk with me and my own challenges nor can I imagine not standing by his side as God brings us through each trial for a reason much greater than ourselves and something that will last well beyond this lifetime.
Happy Anniversary Danny...I will remind you...as well as myself today that the man you have become through such difficulty is on a journey toward a destination that has the ability to change a paradigm for an unnecessarily suffering culture and as our God works in and through us to accomplish His purpose...He knows best what the most effective route is for His goals to be achieved in our lives. As He tarries...I will also remember that the journey is the destination so that I do not grow weary in the challenging circumstances. Our circumstances will not define us...only our God will.
I LOVE YOU!
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