What do we learn as we wait on God?
Speaking from personal experience, and more than I could have imagined as well as beyond what I could have imagined, I have learned that waiting requires a stoic patience that replaces our own agenda. The process of anticipation swells and retracts, much like waves against the shoreline. Within each swell is a sense of urgency and excitement that is often fueled by circumstances as well as a temporary denial that disappoints us at the core of our being.
As we trust our God to lead us, we realize that His leading requires a relinquishing of every mode of manipulation that we have previously used to advance our cause(s). Somewhere between the justice and the injustice of the process, we learn that in order to advance our mission (which is the ultimate furtherance of our hopes and dreams…at least those that are driven by the heart rather than the flesh), we had to begin where we started, endure the agony of the challenges within, and WAIT for God to direct (as well as redirect) the path toward our freedom that is found within the restrictions of our bondage. I just thought of something that Danny said to me a few weeks ago that I find myself repeating almost daily in my head:
…"We are like the Israelites and have not yet reached our promised land. That is why we feel the way we do." I appreciate so much my husband's perspective as it was mine that carried us through his sickness and the further challenges within our family while he rallied in a very different but equally necessary way to sustain us. But to finally hear his words match my heart is a gift that I recognize as a portion (gift) from God to supply what is needed as we toil toward our goal of advancing our mission and our family through the stages that we have for the greater purpose of legacy.
I know that purpose fulfills us as well as makes a difference in the world we are called to live within (whether it is a home, neighborhood, community, stage or platform of teaching or leadership or beyond), and therefore requires the emptiness of ourselves so that we can be filled by those things that remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. ~1Corinthians 13:13
As God heals my hurts and my sorrows, I am exposed…mostly to myself. It is a vulnerable place to admit the reality of, but it is necessary for my healing as well as for who I become...as I am first called to support my husband and nuture my children before I can share the pain which has led me to where God leads. I wait for that time but I no longer wait with restraint of my emotions or a dissatisfaction of my circumstances, but I wait with surrender and I follow what He reveals, which is usually something "hidden" within my heart and has been shut off to not only myself but to others as a way of protecting myself. I have learned that God will leave me right where I am or allow circumstances to wane unless I admit where I am struggling and accept my responsibility within it as He leads the process of change.
I often hear myself telling my kids that they are to be an example to the younger ones (particularly Simon, who in our home is a force that creates much opportunity…and he knows it. Just last evening he was spinning in circles for over 10 minutes and saying that the force of God was with him and giving him the ability to do what he does…whatever it may be at the time). And while Simon may be their challenge for growth as well as a model for faith in our home, raising 5 children and difficulties beyond our control have certainly been mine. Every time I tell them how the result (Simon being less problematic in their world) could be achieved, I realize that I am also needing to heed the advice I give: that love is the greatest virtue to exercise in life for EVERY objective and while faith and hope I have mastered by proportion, learning how to love has been what God has revealed to me to be where my greatest wounds lie…and He has given me plenty of opportunities to approach my challenges with His direction (which is from a spiritual perspective), rather than from one that protects myself from becoming vulnerable to those that do not care whether or not they hurt me and often have and do intentionally. While no one wants to receive pain, I have learned it is the catalyst that God allows to further our purpose.
The natural inclination to protect myself exists from wounds in my childhood that are wrapped in pain and isolation and peppered with rejection. A few of my own children (while they do not yet understand it), have this within them as well due to circumstances beyond their control. As they get older it becomes easier to identify as well as discuss but nonetheless it is still something THEY have to deal with and because God loves them so much, He already has given them through their own "healed" lives even more opportunities to let Him do so. He has also given me to them to use as an example. I would even suggest that we all have this place that we detach ourselves from and place on a shelf because the process to release it is not pleasant. In some people it is much more easily understood due to the circumstances in their lives and it is more evident to understand why it exists. And as I have learned, God uses the broken to heal others, and He doesn't allow those that He uses to be left in stagnation, but He requires us all to also be healed so that we can truly serve a hurting world…which is only done successfully through our love...and therefore the process is a painful one for every one, but what exists on the other side is restoration and a legacy worth more than we can quantify.
So while we all recognize that this journey we call life stretches our patience, reveals our ugliness and redeems our futures, let us also realize that we serve a God who is the Master of redemption and the Manipulator of circumstances that while "... we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. and hope does not disappoint us…." ~Romans 5:3-6
Hold on tightly to your hope…it will not disappoint you…that is not my promise, but HIS!
“The strength of patience hangs on our capacity to believe that God is up to something good for us in all our delays and detours.”
~ Piper
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Saturday, December 31, 2011
A NEW YEAR REVOLUTION
We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.
~Kenji Miyazawa
I have this burning desire within me to encourage others through difficulites. There are a "chosen" few in my life that I can't seem to shake the role of SUPREME ENCOURAGER...it began with my husband through his sickness and has passed through each of my kids and especially my twins who lost their parents when they were just 7 years old; and even today is flowing through their friends who are painfully enduring their own losses and painful grapplings with God as a result.
2011 represented a "refueling" for me. I have been steadfast and building upon my faith; expectantly waiting for God...I periodically experience sensations that feel as if I have "little butterflies in my soul" is the only way I know to explain it. While it may be easy to ignore, it only happens when I am overtaken by an immediate concern or just happen to ponder the question of "when" will God begin to show me manifestations of what I have been clinging to all along and that is my purpose for His service beyond just the 4 walls of my home. In these exact spaces in time my mind leaps forward and the blip of a "what if" moment creeps in and connects my heart to God's purpose for my life all at the same time. What initally begins as a concern transforms into an excitement of fulfillment of my desires. I believe this quote to be true: "Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow." ~Norman Vincent Peale
I know that God has me. I'm one of billions that He can handle ;) Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." When I keep that in focus, fear is released and the pain is able to be embraced and I truly do use it for the fuel that moves me toward my destiny.
He wants that kind of trust from each of us who call upon His name. He prefers ALL mankind would call upon Him, but He does not push...however He often does pull and we have a choice as to how we respond...with His power or with our own. His power brings us peace and contentment and satisfaction while our own is often accompanied by an internalization of the pain that can deeply wound us rather than liberate us.
As 2011 has been birth pains to 2012, realize that resolutions are worthless as they depend upon each of our own efforts while revolutions depend upon our rallying alongside what is already occurring...in this case what He is already doing. His power has ZERO LIMITATIONS and His ability to create something out of nothing does not occur without pressure. There can be no diamonds without it. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. ~Jack London
Embrace your pain, shed your fears, trust your God and pray for mercy as He orchestrates your challenges and allows them to be used as fuel for your mission. If you are ready to truly live according to the power of God within your dreams then realize that "Life has no limitations, except the ones you make." ~Les Brown
Welcome 2012! I have been waiting for you and walking toward you all my life!
As you wait on God to vindicate, remember this: Truth and Time will kiss each other.
“Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea and a path through the mighty waters, “Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19
~Kenji Miyazawa
I have this burning desire within me to encourage others through difficulites. There are a "chosen" few in my life that I can't seem to shake the role of SUPREME ENCOURAGER...it began with my husband through his sickness and has passed through each of my kids and especially my twins who lost their parents when they were just 7 years old; and even today is flowing through their friends who are painfully enduring their own losses and painful grapplings with God as a result.
2011 represented a "refueling" for me. I have been steadfast and building upon my faith; expectantly waiting for God...I periodically experience sensations that feel as if I have "little butterflies in my soul" is the only way I know to explain it. While it may be easy to ignore, it only happens when I am overtaken by an immediate concern or just happen to ponder the question of "when" will God begin to show me manifestations of what I have been clinging to all along and that is my purpose for His service beyond just the 4 walls of my home. In these exact spaces in time my mind leaps forward and the blip of a "what if" moment creeps in and connects my heart to God's purpose for my life all at the same time. What initally begins as a concern transforms into an excitement of fulfillment of my desires. I believe this quote to be true: "Throw your heart over the fence and the rest will follow." ~Norman Vincent Peale
I know that God has me. I'm one of billions that He can handle ;) Jeremiah 29:11 says: For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." When I keep that in focus, fear is released and the pain is able to be embraced and I truly do use it for the fuel that moves me toward my destiny.
He wants that kind of trust from each of us who call upon His name. He prefers ALL mankind would call upon Him, but He does not push...however He often does pull and we have a choice as to how we respond...with His power or with our own. His power brings us peace and contentment and satisfaction while our own is often accompanied by an internalization of the pain that can deeply wound us rather than liberate us.
As 2011 has been birth pains to 2012, realize that resolutions are worthless as they depend upon each of our own efforts while revolutions depend upon our rallying alongside what is already occurring...in this case what He is already doing. His power has ZERO LIMITATIONS and His ability to create something out of nothing does not occur without pressure. There can be no diamonds without it. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of a man is to live, not to exist. ~Jack London
Embrace your pain, shed your fears, trust your God and pray for mercy as He orchestrates your challenges and allows them to be used as fuel for your mission. If you are ready to truly live according to the power of God within your dreams then realize that "Life has no limitations, except the ones you make." ~Les Brown
Welcome 2012! I have been waiting for you and walking toward you all my life!
As you wait on God to vindicate, remember this: Truth and Time will kiss each other.
“Thus says the LORD, Who makes a way through the sea and a path through the mighty waters, “Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert.” Isaiah 43:16, 18-19
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
God ALWAYS Exceeds Our Expectations
Olivia Pompa
I have been living with my new family for almost 8 years and I love them as if I was born here. I am extremely thankful for my new parents, Merily and Daniel ♥ All things work to the greater good (No matter what it is) <33 They are giving more than I could ever ask for and I want to thank them for that too (: I LOOVE YOU GUUYS♥ ALSO, Yesterdaay was my real mommmyss birthday, I wanted to wish her a Happy Birthhdaay! <33 Happy Birthday Moommmyy (: Miss you! <3333
What a post from Olivia's Facebook..How INCREDIBLY solid this incredible God-given child of mine is in her "interpretation" of Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to
His purpose.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
Our prayer has always been for our family to be unified. Through the most challenging of times...even more so than the commitment to them through their initial loss and our initial gain has been our recent challenges. God truly has exceeded our expectations! We praise Him!!
I have been living with my new family for almost 8 years and I love them as if I was born here. I am extremely thankful for my new parents, Merily and Daniel ♥ All things work to the greater good (No matter what it is) <33 They are giving more than I could ever ask for and I want to thank them for that too (: I LOOVE YOU GUUYS♥ ALSO, Yesterdaay was my real mommmyss birthday, I wanted to wish her a Happy Birthhdaay! <33 Happy Birthday Moommmyy (: Miss you! <3333
What a post from Olivia's Facebook..How INCREDIBLY solid this incredible God-given child of mine is in her "interpretation" of Romans 8:28: And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to
His purpose.
Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
Our prayer has always been for our family to be unified. Through the most challenging of times...even more so than the commitment to them through their initial loss and our initial gain has been our recent challenges. God truly has exceeded our expectations! We praise Him!!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
From Bondage To Freedom
Freedom comes to us in many forms. Often it comes into our lives through bondage. Because we are experienced-based creatures, we have to learn about life through experience. There are some experiences that have nothing to do with choices but yet we evolve into ourselves based on decisions others have made for us. For example, as a child we do not choose our parents or the dynamic within their relationship and consequently choices are made on our behalf that we have no control over. We must however, take those (preconceived) notions/ideas into our next seasons of life and often what drives us is what we learned and often lacked, or possibly even had in surplus to satisfy our desires. Through daily living we find that often what we thought was part of the fiber of our existence isn't where our ultimate satisfaction comes. For me personally, I had to be placed into situations even as an adult that I did not have choices in to realize how true that really is. While choices are always made within scenarios, overarching realities have a far greater determination in who we find ourselves to be. It is far easier to do the right thing when faced with challenge than it is to embrace the changes within that challenge. While our initial response is self-preservation, if we are really honest with ourselves (either through admission or coercion), we must enter the threshold within it that allows us to step across it to a new level of living. What we inevitably find when we enter that higher dimension is soul satisfaction. While it may not look like we have previously known, who we are is who we have desired to be all along but lacked the tools to acquire.
When we belong to God, He often orchestrates events to enable us to find who we have been looking for as well as knew we were destined to become all along but too wounded to attain. Superfluousness sheds itself from necessity, and as self-preservation is replaced by surrender and trust, we take our eyes off our ourselves and put them on to those that we are entrusted with as well as to our God who ultimately holds ALL of the power anyway. We find within the pages of our further unfolding story hope, completion in the creation of ourselves and advancement of of our mind to attain our vision...and even passions deepen within our calling and it is renewed eventhough it may seem to have been detained. We learn that without the reduction in ourselves, we could not possibly reach the heights that God has chosen for His purposes, not our own. There is no other way to remove self than to have it removed for us...at least for those of us who are natural at cultivating resources due to personalities that have determination and perseverance at the helm.
I had to be very honest with myself many times over in this life already to accept that each challenge that I have been called to walk through is perfect for me. Each test of my faith, each test of my character, each test of my self within myself has been hand-picked by God to advance His purpose for my life. I have also had to remind myself in moments where I have been tempted to feel sorry for myself (which could be easy to do with 5 children who have pre-existing wounds and tainted belief systems) that my own journey is not just for me but for all of us. Who they are learning to rely on beyond a Sunday School role of Christianity is beyond what any of us would sign up for, but once living our lives at that level of faith, we are never going to be satisfied with knowing about God...we want to KNOW Him and be known by Him...where we can call upon Him and know He is always speaking even if He is not always answering every prayer to our satisfaction or in our timing. We find in our solitude that a Biblical faith is one that applies the scriptures and follows the patriarchs of the Bible as they did and watch and wait for Him to show up on our behalf. What greater lesson about living a life that God blesses could our children extract from any other experience other than our own?
Be encouraged that God lives with His people as "a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people." Exodus 13:21-22 While we do not see that manifestation in the same way physically, He is still illuminating and directing even our darkest times for His light to become an everlasting flame and the light that must never be extinguished must originate in our own hearts so that we never lose our direction or desire for Him.
When I remind myself that life is a journey as well as a tapestry to be taken and woven all at the same time, I feel honored to be chosen for such a role that has taken me through so many twists and turns and uncertainties. I realize that apart from God's calling and His favor to achieve it, I would waste this life seeking but never being fully satisfied. I can now find riddled within the pages of my life's story the hand of God upon my heart that loves me too much to let my life move randomly. While pain is an inevitable part of growth, life lessons learned births desires beyond reason and hope beyond expectation. I do not believe that God merely calls us to have a legacy that is solely parenting our children and therefore we must live out our calling with our children watching and waiting right with us in order for them to develop the kind of faith that too "if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29 In verse 28, the one directly before, God tell us: " There you will worship man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell." This is the place where we are in captivity and He desires to release us. While letting go is often not a choice we would make, there is a freedom in having it removed. Rebuilding SOLELY on the foundation that leads us to victorious living is the only place that our soul satisfaction is found. What God adds to that is up to Him, but being driven by our purpose (His purpose) is far more exciting than being driven by our desires.
Who gets what is a common theme in a large family. With God, who gets what is determined by His resources, not our own and I don't know about you, but I would far rather be waiting on Him rather than trusting in myself.
When we belong to God, He often orchestrates events to enable us to find who we have been looking for as well as knew we were destined to become all along but too wounded to attain. Superfluousness sheds itself from necessity, and as self-preservation is replaced by surrender and trust, we take our eyes off our ourselves and put them on to those that we are entrusted with as well as to our God who ultimately holds ALL of the power anyway. We find within the pages of our further unfolding story hope, completion in the creation of ourselves and advancement of of our mind to attain our vision...and even passions deepen within our calling and it is renewed eventhough it may seem to have been detained. We learn that without the reduction in ourselves, we could not possibly reach the heights that God has chosen for His purposes, not our own. There is no other way to remove self than to have it removed for us...at least for those of us who are natural at cultivating resources due to personalities that have determination and perseverance at the helm.
I had to be very honest with myself many times over in this life already to accept that each challenge that I have been called to walk through is perfect for me. Each test of my faith, each test of my character, each test of my self within myself has been hand-picked by God to advance His purpose for my life. I have also had to remind myself in moments where I have been tempted to feel sorry for myself (which could be easy to do with 5 children who have pre-existing wounds and tainted belief systems) that my own journey is not just for me but for all of us. Who they are learning to rely on beyond a Sunday School role of Christianity is beyond what any of us would sign up for, but once living our lives at that level of faith, we are never going to be satisfied with knowing about God...we want to KNOW Him and be known by Him...where we can call upon Him and know He is always speaking even if He is not always answering every prayer to our satisfaction or in our timing. We find in our solitude that a Biblical faith is one that applies the scriptures and follows the patriarchs of the Bible as they did and watch and wait for Him to show up on our behalf. What greater lesson about living a life that God blesses could our children extract from any other experience other than our own?
Be encouraged that God lives with His people as "a pillar of cloud to lead them along the way, and by night in a pillar of fire to give them light, that they might travel by day and by night. The pillar of cloud by day and the pillar of fire by night did not depart from before the people." Exodus 13:21-22 While we do not see that manifestation in the same way physically, He is still illuminating and directing even our darkest times for His light to become an everlasting flame and the light that must never be extinguished must originate in our own hearts so that we never lose our direction or desire for Him.
When I remind myself that life is a journey as well as a tapestry to be taken and woven all at the same time, I feel honored to be chosen for such a role that has taken me through so many twists and turns and uncertainties. I realize that apart from God's calling and His favor to achieve it, I would waste this life seeking but never being fully satisfied. I can now find riddled within the pages of my life's story the hand of God upon my heart that loves me too much to let my life move randomly. While pain is an inevitable part of growth, life lessons learned births desires beyond reason and hope beyond expectation. I do not believe that God merely calls us to have a legacy that is solely parenting our children and therefore we must live out our calling with our children watching and waiting right with us in order for them to develop the kind of faith that too "if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29 In verse 28, the one directly before, God tell us: " There you will worship man-made gods of wood and stone, which cannot see or hear or eat or smell." This is the place where we are in captivity and He desires to release us. While letting go is often not a choice we would make, there is a freedom in having it removed. Rebuilding SOLELY on the foundation that leads us to victorious living is the only place that our soul satisfaction is found. What God adds to that is up to Him, but being driven by our purpose (His purpose) is far more exciting than being driven by our desires.
Who gets what is a common theme in a large family. With God, who gets what is determined by His resources, not our own and I don't know about you, but I would far rather be waiting on Him rather than trusting in myself.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
In Trying Times...Is Anything Better Than This???
My daughter's facebook post today: I want to remember this time in our life and how God used this scripture in our lives and in our family: "You meant evil against me but God meant it for good..." (Genesis 50:20-21)
Olivia Pompa
Riding home from a fantastic thanksgiving! Another thanksgiving dinner on Sunday! I am thankful for so much. Loving parents, annoying but amazing brothers, my giving grandfather, and soo much more! ((: Happy Thanksgiving everyonee!!
I DON'T DESERVE THIS FRONT ROW SEAT IN GOD'S AMAZING LOVE...BUT I AM SO GLAD HE CHOSE ME FOR IT :))
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Olivia Pompa
Riding home from a fantastic thanksgiving! Another thanksgiving dinner on Sunday! I am thankful for so much. Loving parents, annoying but amazing brothers, my giving grandfather, and soo much more! ((: Happy Thanksgiving everyonee!!
I DON'T DESERVE THIS FRONT ROW SEAT IN GOD'S AMAZING LOVE...BUT I AM SO GLAD HE CHOSE ME FOR IT :))
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Friday, November 25, 2011
My Father's Business...ONLY He Would Consider Me Worthy.
Thanksgiving Dinner 2011.
At dinner with my dad yesterday, we took the time to go around the table as we always do giving thanks. I was enriched by my kid's hearts and their expressions of gratitude. What I wasn't expecting was my own. The VERY first thing that came to my mind and consequently out of my mouth, was my gratitude for Dylan and Olivia. What I realize is that I have become who I am as a result of them in my life. The difficult and unpenetrable places of my heart that I knew were resistant to change have become open and receptive to offering myself and what has been stifled as a result of the wounds that have been in me since I was very young and rejected and abandoned by my own biological father.
The public battle that has taken so much from us has undeniably given us so much more. The matter of the truth being heard has become secondary to the greater purpose it has served within our family. Only God could accomplish such a feat. My protected and repellant state of existence can only be defined as fear. What did I fear? I have asked myself that so many times I have lost count and yet it hasn't been until God took my fear that I realized why it existed and that I wasn't the one who could control when or how it would become a healed wound.
I humorously added that I was glad that they had the personalities they had and that there were 2 of them rather than the reverse with the 3 that came from Danny and I being added to the mix ;)
The second thought that came out of my mouth was something that occurred the day before but it wasn't until I began speaking that I realized another healed area of my wounded self. Olivia and I went out for the evening the other night and the boys (especially Izik) were anxious to finish the Christmas Tree. Under any other circumstances and any other year, I decorate it.
When we came home Izik was laying on the couch looking at the completed tree with a look of satisfaction. He asked me what I thought of it...I took it in and told him it was PERFECT!
It was while I was recounting what I was thankful for that I found myself announcing that all of the stress in my life that I have had no choice but to deal with has not robbed me at all, but restored my joy and appreciation for the role of a mother called into a unique situation for an enormous purpose...to mend hearts. I realized that it wasn't possible to fully mend my children's hearts when my own still required an overhaul. God has provided the opportunity for this to occur...I will never be the same and my children will be blessed by me and through me as a result.
So thank you to the one who has created havoc. And Thank YOU more Lord God for knowing my heart and loving me enough to not leave me as I was but calling me out of myself and into your desires. While releasing my own has been done through tremendous adversity, I am now grateful for your relentless love and mercy that accompanies our challenges.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
The final piece of gratitude that emerged from my brokenness was the power of God alone to do this. I realized fully in that moment that trust maintained in the ONLY ONE who holds the power to turn defeat into victory is how the ultimate battle is won. Many "things" can be taken, but the things that matter most are our relationships and our hearts with their desires in tact with the hope that has been long-since planted, but with roots growing underneath the soil until the appropriate time for them to spring forth.
I NOW UNDERSTAND MYSELF...that my God will meet all (of my) needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. What has been replaced by what has been stolen is far greater.
At dinner with my dad yesterday, we took the time to go around the table as we always do giving thanks. I was enriched by my kid's hearts and their expressions of gratitude. What I wasn't expecting was my own. The VERY first thing that came to my mind and consequently out of my mouth, was my gratitude for Dylan and Olivia. What I realize is that I have become who I am as a result of them in my life. The difficult and unpenetrable places of my heart that I knew were resistant to change have become open and receptive to offering myself and what has been stifled as a result of the wounds that have been in me since I was very young and rejected and abandoned by my own biological father.
The public battle that has taken so much from us has undeniably given us so much more. The matter of the truth being heard has become secondary to the greater purpose it has served within our family. Only God could accomplish such a feat. My protected and repellant state of existence can only be defined as fear. What did I fear? I have asked myself that so many times I have lost count and yet it hasn't been until God took my fear that I realized why it existed and that I wasn't the one who could control when or how it would become a healed wound.
I humorously added that I was glad that they had the personalities they had and that there were 2 of them rather than the reverse with the 3 that came from Danny and I being added to the mix ;)
The second thought that came out of my mouth was something that occurred the day before but it wasn't until I began speaking that I realized another healed area of my wounded self. Olivia and I went out for the evening the other night and the boys (especially Izik) were anxious to finish the Christmas Tree. Under any other circumstances and any other year, I decorate it.
When we came home Izik was laying on the couch looking at the completed tree with a look of satisfaction. He asked me what I thought of it...I took it in and told him it was PERFECT!
It was while I was recounting what I was thankful for that I found myself announcing that all of the stress in my life that I have had no choice but to deal with has not robbed me at all, but restored my joy and appreciation for the role of a mother called into a unique situation for an enormous purpose...to mend hearts. I realized that it wasn't possible to fully mend my children's hearts when my own still required an overhaul. God has provided the opportunity for this to occur...I will never be the same and my children will be blessed by me and through me as a result.
So thank you to the one who has created havoc. And Thank YOU more Lord God for knowing my heart and loving me enough to not leave me as I was but calling me out of myself and into your desires. While releasing my own has been done through tremendous adversity, I am now grateful for your relentless love and mercy that accompanies our challenges.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
The final piece of gratitude that emerged from my brokenness was the power of God alone to do this. I realized fully in that moment that trust maintained in the ONLY ONE who holds the power to turn defeat into victory is how the ultimate battle is won. Many "things" can be taken, but the things that matter most are our relationships and our hearts with their desires in tact with the hope that has been long-since planted, but with roots growing underneath the soil until the appropriate time for them to spring forth.
I NOW UNDERSTAND MYSELF...that my God will meet all (of my) needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus. What has been replaced by what has been stolen is far greater.
In Trying Times...Is Anything Better Than This???
My daughter's facebook post today: I want to remember this time in our life and how God used this scripture in our lives and in our family: "You meant evil against me but God meant it for good..." (Genesis 50:20-21)
Olivia Pompa
Riding home from a fantastic thanksgiving! Another thanksgiving dinner on Sunday! I am thankful for so much. Loving parents, annoying but amazing brothers, my giving grandfather, and soo much more! ((: Happy Thanksgiving everyonee!!
I DON'T DESERVE THIS FRONT ROW SEAT IN GOD'S AMAZING LOVE...BUT I AM SO GLAD HE CHOSE ME FOR IT :))
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
Olivia Pompa
Riding home from a fantastic thanksgiving! Another thanksgiving dinner on Sunday! I am thankful for so much. Loving parents, annoying but amazing brothers, my giving grandfather, and soo much more! ((: Happy Thanksgiving everyonee!!
I DON'T DESERVE THIS FRONT ROW SEAT IN GOD'S AMAZING LOVE...BUT I AM SO GLAD HE CHOSE ME FOR IT :))
Philippians 4:6
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.
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