There are times in life when friendships disappear and there are times in life when friendships reappear. There are also those times when out of nowhere a friendship appears that we were not expecting. If you are like me, you may not trust the ones who disappear, may be skeptical of the ones which reappear and overwhelmingly blessed by the ones that just seem to drop out of the dark and into the light or into the light and make it even brighter. I cannot begin to tell you from the recesses of my heart how disappointed I have been in people that I have expected would always be part of my life. I have learned that it is not that they are intentionally resisting my presence in their life as much as they are resisting what they may not understand or simply involved in their own lives and cannot or will not make time for things that take unnecessary effort. Whichever the scenario, I have grown less disappointed in those absences and more expectant of those who God will bring into my life. Let's face it, as we mature in this journey of life, we learn that life is a game of keeping up with life. The more we are called to manage, the more unmanageable we can feel our life is.
I have felt this way for years. I may have kept managing my friendships as a way of preserving my"self". The challenges that I faced and the way life pressed in caused me to desire to cling to anything familiar. Although maybe I am more inclined to stay in touch with those I care about because my life as a child was very lonely and who I wanted to be with most was elusive (my mom) and I learned through painful experience that I NEVER want to walk that road again.
As in love with my husband as I have always been and expectant of our life together, it was riddled with complications that forced loss accompanied by complicated gain. There is a verse that God has given my husband and I over and over and it is this: "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten--the great locust and the young locust, the other locusts and the locust swarm--my great army that I sent among you." Joel 2:25.
I have written before about how I look at every challenging and painful experience as something that comes from the hand of God. Because I know this to be true...it is His way of setting us on His course, redirecting our path, often our hearts as well and calling us to a position of passion and purpose that we soemtimes can only dream of. Our comfort zones are not places of excitement, but security. How can we be moved when we are satisfied? How can we be used by Him when our purpose is to serve and maintain ourselves?
The friendships that I sought to preserve were comfortable for me as well. They resembled what I knew of myself. Letting go of who I was for who God wanted me to become was a process that took years to connect with and let go of, simultaneously. Through this process, one of the most disappointing realities was in who didn't remain. But just as in all the other areas of my life, I knew that God would make up for it. Suddenly it is happening. People are coming into our life that feel led to be involved and lead us into our next destinations of our journey through life as God is directing. My awareness of this is heightened as I believe He wants me to realize that HE is doing it. He is making up for what He has allowed that which has caused our family pain. This has become a source of excitement for me as God never does anything in a mediocre way. The friendships that are accompanying this process have satisfied me in a way I always desired, but failed to experience. Again I think of the verse above.
I write out of my pain. I think about many things I have experienced. I think constantly. But if life weren't hurling chaos I wouldn't have a reason to think. I even think I overthink :-) I also write as a result of my purpose: to encourage those who are walking through their own wilderness and wonder where God is. HE IS RIGHT THERE WITH YOU AND HE IS MORE THAN ABLE TO SATISFY YOUR SOUL AS WELL AS GIVE YOU THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART! He does this when you surrender to the process and let go of what it is that you expected, and reach in to the reality that He "is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20.
Don't restrict Him. Let Him have His way. He will always BE exceedingly more and DO exceedingly more than we could possibly conceive in our finite minds and it pleases Him to know we are waiting for Him and Him alone.