Sunday, August 5, 2012

My Wish For You...Olivia

I  wrote this for Olivia's Time Capsule at school last year....she opened it this year and sharing it with the world speaks of the theme of my life:  FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE

May 2011

What I would wish for you is hardly a short offering or a suggestion.  How you have come into my life was anything but predictable and the impact you have had on my growth as a child of God as well as a mother I can not fully articulate even yet as I am constantly growing within those roles each day.   I do not have “it” all figured out, but I do know that He does.  I also know that He has firmly planted my feet on solid ground when it comes to my faith and hope in making a lasting difference in this world.  I also know that because He brought you into my life, He expects me to instill that same clarity within your own heart as you sort through trials, temptations and the trails along your own journey.  That opportunity/privilege is something I take very seriously.  
One of the most important charges that I could suggest to you is for you to remember who you are:  A VERY SPECIAL CHILD OF THE MOST HIGH AND ONLY GOD.  Remember that He has a plan for your life and that it is within this plan that you will find your purpose, peace and joy.   When you wonder why your life was met with such pain early on, remember that what you have endured has made you who you are.  Your faith and ability to endure tremendous hurt and regain your hope for your future is directly proportional to the opportunities you will have in this life to encourage others and experience a most amazing and satisfying relationship with Him who has brought you safe thus far.  His plan for you is enormous.   It will enable you to soar to heights that you couldn’t have otherwise.  He has provided for you by placing you in our family and allowing you to experience tremendous opportunity that will enrich each step you have taken and will continue to take as you establish yourself in this world. 
Regardless of where you go, I trust Him to go before you.  I pray for protection and provision and providence in each space in time in which you find yourself.  I am not always going to be “there” but I am always going to be “here” for you.   As you grow in age you will grow in responsibility.  I am blessed to experience your capability as you have reached this space in time and I believe with all of my heart that God is going to continue to grow you in every way that will cause me to continue to ooze with pride as I felt so under qualified for the role that I knew I couldn’t not accept.  This role has been my “crowning moment” even though it has taken me years to learn how to release its gems…or so I have felt.  It hasn’t been until we have entered our own space and time with even greater challenges that I have realized how complete I have become within it.  I learned the truth of God’s word that we are never fully complete unless we are giving ourselves away.  Our gifts are given to us so that we can use them to bless others.  It is through that process that we experience one of God’s ironies…that as we use our gifts for the benefit of others, we are the ones who are blessed.  I pray that you expect God to show up for you in that most incredible way in which you will know for sure that His love for you is immeasurable and His desire for you is not quantifiable but the evidence of His hand upon you will not be something you ever have to wonder about.  I can tell you first hand that when you know that you know…that is all you need to know.
Keep your head held high as you walk through life.  You belong to Him.  He has a plan for your life and it is guaranteed to be more than I could ever choose for you or you could ever choose for yourself.
Trusting God above all else is my wish for you.  Remembering who you are in Him and how much He loves you and that His love never fails is all I care about you knowing above everything else.  When that is front and center and at the core of your being, EVERYTHING you put your hand to will work out to your benefit and for your blessing.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."  ~Jeremiah 29:11


I am about to transition again in life.  I feel a new chapter opening.  I also feel an old one closing.  I have been here before but under different circumstances.  This is the first time I am anticipating such a life change.  The first few I never could have seen coming.  The first that had such a life-altering course attached to it as an adult was when my husband became sick and I hardly recognized the familiar things about our relationship.  The second was when Dylan and Olivia came into our life and I ONLY recognized the familiar things...and now, as my first born goes off to follow his dream of being the best he can be as a downhill ski racer, I am in a mode of anticipating a different kind of loss.

I have always believed that raising kids was a purposeful role in life that was not chosen, but selected.  Who God gives us to be "our own" are so far from what we can imagine, but yet, I am convinced exactly what we need.  I can see within the pages of my life with 5 children that there is a unique blend of personalities, most that are not complimentary to the others in so many ways all the while each being absolutely perfectly matched.  DNA is the most fascinating component and weighs heavier than I ever would have believed before being a mom.  I often say that Danny and I procreating was not a good decision, but I also know that when these years are over I will miss them ;)  I was lonely during my own childhood, and always said I wanted 5 children...and here I am, overwhelmed most days and overjoyed during my reflections.

Intentionally speaking, when watching your child's interests take shape, there is something that just satisfies them.  It drives them beyond what your pushing them toward something ever could.  I knew I would not be a parent that would force my child to do something that they didn't want to do other than eating their broccoli or brushing their teeth or doing their chores, but when Daniel began to be noticeably more content in the winter and spend more time on his skis than any other kid in the house, I took notice.  I thought back to the time when Dylan and Olivia were coming into our lives.  The window of reality broke over my heart when I realized what I lost (Lisa) and was anticipating what I was gaining (her children). The fear that moved my heart to ask God how it would affect Daniel was immediately answered with a knowing that came with no explanation needed:  "Not only will I do great things THROUGH Daniel, I will do great things FOR Daniel."  The beat I never missed until that moment, resumed.

Life takes bittersweet moments and turns them into unexplainable realities.  The depth of our souls are developed during adversity.  What we learn about God, ourselves and our dreams and why they exist would not be able to be realized if we weren't called into these chasms of chaos and crisis.  The birthing of beauty occurs during the burning of ashes.  In order to move to higher places of impact, we must focus on embracing the challenges and realizing that we are meant to become more, give more and choose more for a purpose that speaks more.

I have been waking up during the night and thinking about Daniel leaving.  During the day I think of it with excitement for him being able to do with his life at such a young age what I never knew existed but during the night I feel lost.  As much as he challenges me, he satisfies me.  I also remind myself that since he has known he is leaving to pursue his dream, he has been satisfied.  He has began training, feeding himself accordingly and all without reminders of making good choices as he is "creating cells" based upon the choices he makes.  He has embraced 100% my husband's coaching and I am not chasing him from pillar to post as he is searching for himself...there is unexplainable satisfaction in the result of him finding himself.

This experience, yet again, reminds me of this being analogous to every other challenging season I have found myself within.  We are called to dig deep, sacrifice and trust God with the outcome.  As I do this with my eyes wide open and my heart laid bare, I walk another road of my journey that reminds me that the more I sacrifice, the bigger God becomes to me and the more I trust Him and expect from Him.