A Journey Of Motherhood

What I THOUGHT I Knew About Being A Mom....I learned perhaps immediately was: Nothing.  I knew nothing. It wasn't modeled for me but it was expected of me.  I learned that kids are HARD on their mom...at least mine are.  Why is it that the more we are responsible for the greater the responsibility?  What about just being willing and determined to be there...after all, that was all I wanted as a kid...my mom to just be "present."  But she wasn't.

What I have learned (in my life and perhaps some of you can relate), whatever we become intentional about is usually based to a large degree on what was lacking in our own life but what we learn is that whatever that is is often not enough for the human condition and tendency to look to others for our fulfillment in life.

I have a unique opportunity (if you want to call it that), of interpreting the dynamics of a mother/child relationship...all within the same family, but chiseled from a variety of strengths weaknesses, expectations and disappointments.  What I have learned is the ones I struggled with more in their understanding of my intentions and expectations (Dylan and Olivia), now respect me and are thankful...and show and tell me so while the ones that I didn't (THINK) I was struggling at all with in the earlier years,  seem to look for opportunities to tell me how I have failed to do something that I should have.

I have always worked toward the lasting result of being "there" for my kids. I believe I have covered every conceivable conversation and every possible topic openly and honestly and probably more transparently than I needed to, but that is just who I am and like it or not, transparency when something is evident to my motives is important to reveal.  I want to be human but even more than that I want to be a testimony of the transformational power of God in the life of someone who trusts Him and is incapable of self-awareness and accomplishment at a level of lasting impact without His convictions upon my heart.

While this journey has humbled me greatly, it has elevated my soul tremendously as well.  The take away for me has always and will always be that there are always opposing forces at work, and while one will attempt to destroy and create self-destruction, the one that we most trust in is the one that will prevail.  "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."  ~Joshua 24:15 So while things seem challenging at times and exhausting because the older they get, the more challenging they become...they are more closely connected to who they are but without the experiences of life behind them to trust in their developing paradigms about living this life successfully.  When the conversations arise and the choices are revealed, our role of being a mom to being a coach at times is in conflict.  And while it isn't always easy to let them discover themselves, it is always best that we allow them the ability to do so...especially if we have entrusted God to their care.  He knows their journey...He also knows why he allows their journey and just as has been the case when we reflect upon our own lives, what He intends to accomplish in and through them.

So to the moms that feel overwhelmed and underpaid, know this:  your toil early leads to an investment that takes time to mature...and that investment doesn't pay its dividends until the purpose is revealed.  The longer I live, the more experiences I have, the more opportunity I am given for reflection and the more I understand that I have nothing to offer other than my faith and my hope in being inadequate and trusting in Him to overpower my weaknesses and overwhelm the immaturity of an underdeveloped mind.  After all, He has done the same for me.

"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
 ~Proverbs 22:6

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”
~Proverbs 31:25-30

Then the mother of the child said, “As the Lord lives and as you yourself live, I will not leave you.” So he arose and followed her. ~2Kings 4:30